Looks like Santa needs Prozac.. --submitted by Ian

 

 Dear Santa
 I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
 gud boy all yeer.
 
 Yer Frend,
 BiLLy
 
 Dear Billy,
 Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
 care.   How about I send you a fucking book so you can
 learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother
 the space ranger.   At least HE can spell!
 
 Santa
 
 Dear Santa,
 I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
 ask for is peace and joy for everybody.
 
 Love,
 Sarah
 
 Dear Sarah,
 Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
 they?
 
 Santa
 
 Dear Santa,
 I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
 I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
 Please see what you can do.
 
 Love,
 Teddy
 
 Dear Teddy,
 Look, your dad's banging the baby-sitter like a screen
 door in a hurricane.   Do you think he's gonna give
 that up to come back to your frigid Mom, who rides his
 ass constantly?   It's time to give up that dream. Let
 me get you some nice Legos instead.
 
 Santa
 
 Dear Santa,
 I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
 Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
 
 Love,
 Francis
 
 Dear Francis,
 Who names their kid Francis, nowadays? I bet you're
 gay.
 
 Santa

 Dear Santa,
 I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
 left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
 
 Love,
 Susan
 
 Dear Susan,
 Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
 in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do
 me a favor?   Leave me a bottle of scotch.
 
 Santa
 
 Dear Santa,
 
 What do you do the other 364 days of the year?   Are
 you busy making toys?
 
 Your friend,
 Thomas
 
 Dear Thomas,
 All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
 Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget
 porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and
 squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
 losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
 know.
 
 Santa
 
 Dear Santa,
 I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
 please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
 
 Timmy
 
 Timmy,
 That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
 that rap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
 sweater again.
 
 Santa
 
 Dearest Santa,
 We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
 into our home?
 
 Love,
 Marky
 
 Mark,
 First, stop calling yourself Marky, that's why you're
 getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
 live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment
 complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
 the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
 
 Sweet Dreams,
 Santa
 

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